it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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