I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
