I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
