I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
