I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
