If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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