maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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