someone threw a dead crab at me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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