a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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