This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
