12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
