everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
