Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
