Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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