am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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