living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
