New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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