She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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