$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
