i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
