listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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