# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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