My first STD was from a foam party
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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