i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
