you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am one with the molecules
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
