You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize