this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
