I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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