I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
