life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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