It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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