i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
