I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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