he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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