the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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