ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
