I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
