you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
