apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
