I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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