Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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