So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
