I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
