Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize