Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
