Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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