It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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