my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize