So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
