yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
