does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
