I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
