put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
