i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He has the fingertips of a God
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