Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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