We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
