It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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