how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
