i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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