Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
