If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
