Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
