We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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