Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dicks are not precious.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
