You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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