planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
