You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
