For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize