Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
