There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
