the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
