If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize