im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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