Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
