Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
