I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
