Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
