If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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