is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
