I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
