i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
