i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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