That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
