my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
