If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
