At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
